The Truth Can Be Hard to Swallow

I find it hard to believe that there is a segment of the black community that doesn't believe they are giving in to a Euro-centric standard of beauty when they get their hair relaxed. I began to wonder why this fact seemed so clear to me yet impossible to others. Is it how one is raised or how you're influenced by your peers and environment?

My maternal grandmother had a very light complexion and her hair wasn't as curly or wavy or a textured as my mother's or mine or my sister's; but it wasn't bone straight. I remember being a child and having some of my black friends telling me that my grandmother had 'good hair' and though no one in my family had used this term, I KNEW what they meant even at a young age. Most black people, at one time or another, have felt the sting negative comments directed at their hair. I had figured out that my hair in its natural state upset people. Paul Mooney was SO right; but it seemed that more black people were angry with my nappy hair. I wondered if they felt I was misrepresenting the community with 'unkept' hair; but most of the people that had a problem with me weren't thinking on that level. 'Good hair' in their minds meant hair like white people. Straight, manageable, long, flowing, beautiful, desireable. Though they weren't able to or unwilling to admit this, what other conculsion can one make? Why spend so much time, money and effort to make your hair the opposite of its natural state, damaging it in the process?

Through centuries we have been conditioned to believe the worst of what the ruling classes have told us about ourselves. Our truth and noble histories have been buried, distorted, twisted and made into myths and fantasies. As we continue to struggle to define ourselves we must confront long endured pain and resentment stereotypes and lies have inflicted upon the black community.

I don't want to come off as anti-relaxer; not relaxing my hair is my choice and I am happy with it. Just be honest with yourself. When you leave the beauty salon with straight hair, flipping it with every toss of your head, think of the people you know with truly straight hair. If that's what you like, go for it. Black people come in all shapes, sizes and color; we might as well be just as diverse in our hair. Remember, we didn't always have the freedom to make choices as to what we do with our bodies. Appreciate it.

All apologies

I am so very sorry that I haven't posted in such a long time. I want this space to be just about natural hair and with everything that has been going on politically, I have been distracted. I plan of focusing on the blog more and I look forward to sharing this journey with you all. Thank you for your patience.

The Things We do To Ourselves and Each Other

Hi Everybody! I was doing a little research on stylists that may be adding relaxer to conditioners to be used on clients with natural hair requesting a blow-out and honestly the idea sickens me. This is dangerous beyond belief. I am not a chemist but I know that mixing chemicals without any knowledge of the exact compounds, mixtures or chemicals in either the relaxer or conditioner is a recipe for disaster. Just the relaxer alone, mixed properly by a professional, has the potenial to cause chemical burns. So why would a stylist risk losing devoted customers and their license by doing this? Did this phenomenon come about because stylists don't want to devote the time to working with natural hair or is this something more malicious? Have we abused our hair so much that this blatant and shocking abuse is just par for the course?

The black hair salon has been a staple in our community not only as an example of black owned business but a refuge for (mainly) women to come and be accepted. At the beauty salon, our hair was not deemed too difficult to manage or unsightly, it is simply your hair and you were never turned away (unless you didn't make an appointment and tried to walk-in on a Saturday). See, we were all facing the same struggle-to fit in with a broader social standard. Even though I hated getting my hair relaxed, I loved the atmosphere of the beauty salon. It was the place we could be ourselves and not worry about falling into any of the stereotypes black women suffer under all too often. It was a come as you are place full of laughter and gossip. So to think that a sylist would break this bond for the sake of a few minutes shaved off the time it takes to blow out a customer's hair is beyond me. If this is not a case of saving time, then is this some sort of backlash against the natural hair community? I should hope not; because the opportunity for a salon to broaden its business plan to include natural hair care should be seen as a positive. There is room for all of us in this journey; and it is a long, hard journey for us all. If sisters can't look out for each other, who is going to look out for us and have our best interest in mind?

Touch of Gray: Accepting Self

Salt & Pepper, snow on the mountain, sign of wisdom-it's all gray hair. I convinced myself that using these euphemisms would lessen the reality of life and aging; but let's face it-I've had my gray hair from the age of 17 and trust me when I say I had very little wisdom then. My mother and father went gray prematurely. Edna Mae, my mother, was known as "The Silver Fox" and Leslie, my father, delighted in getting a senior discount at the tender age of 40. I, however, did not share in their delight. I've had every hair color in the rainbow-attempts-five years to be exact. Once I did stop, everyone loved the gray hair but me. I had a chance to look at some pictures taken on a night out with friends and I could see myself the way everyone else was seeing me (maybe it was the margaritas). It wasn't that bad. Gray hair is just another shade of me. It may not guarantee wisdom, but it does say, "I've been here a minute, do you have any questions?"