The Men In Our Lives

In the same advice column I griped about in the previous post, our Newly Natural Sister mentioned how her husband began to ridicule her decision by saying things like her hair looked unkept, socially inappropriate, ugly-just verbal abuse in all forms. The ethnicity of her husband was never identified; but the letter floored me all the same. I can't tell if I would be more angry if the husband is black, another POC or white. Full disclosure: my husband is white. He has never said anything negative about my hair. Before I went natural, he would comment how he liked my hair when it was wet and wondered why I tortured myself by relaxing my hair when it brought me such grief. Since I have gone natural he has been nothing but supportive and loves seeing my hair the way it is supposed to be. In my mind all supportive husbands, regardless of ethnicity, would feel the same way about their wife's hair. Even if we use the ridiculous analogy of going natural to dying your hair or cutting it; a loving supportive husband would accept his wife's choice in hairstyle or hair lifestyle if it made her happy.

Bottom line, her husband is verbally abusing her over hair. I know our hair is very a sensitive subject; but if this sets him off so much so that his wife writes a letter for advice to a website what else is going on? When this woman tells her friends about what her husband tells her, do they overlook the verbal abuse like the advice columnist did? I don't want to sound preachy; but really listen to what your friends share. Verbal abuse is never okay and too often leads to physical violence.

Then I started to think of the deeper implications if her husband is black. If he is black, he couldn't claim ignorance, though this is hardly an excuse for anyone not understanding something about your wife's body. The only explanation is that he has been so extremely brainwashed to see unnatural as natural that he is willing to demean and verbally abuse her, completely overlooking any happiness her transition has brought her. Then I thought to myself, how does he feel about his hair? Unless he is sporting a Rev. Al, isn't his hair also natural? What keeps his hair from being socially inappropriate? Because if the ideal is straight, Eurocentric hairstyles, the Zac Efron is in. If he hates her natural hair so much, does he hate himself or just black women?

So let me ask you, what is the best ways to handle those men (and women) in our lives that have nothing but negative things to say about natural hair? What are the best ways to educate the community about natural haircare and transitioning from relaxed to natural?